DeJa Vu
by Annabethsgirl
Summary: Set 15 days into 30 days, Be'lanna has been caught harming herself in the holideck again. This scene takes place in sickbay. Will possibly become a chapter fanfic, but for now, is simply a one shot. I tried to keep everyone as close to in character as possible, but they might be a little out of character.


B'Elanna woke in sickbay, to see The Captain, Tom, the doctor, and Tuvok, and let out a sigh. Apparently she had been caught again, but that wasn't what was causing her to cry. She wrapped her arms around Tom, and buried her face in his middle, feeling his arms wrap around her like a safety net, as her tears soaked his shirt. 'I've missed you', she whimpered, letting her emotions show, in a rare moment of venerability.

He just tightened his grip, holding her closer. He couldn't believe that he had nearly lost her again, not after last time. 'You promised me', he whispered quietly, his voice full of the pain and fear he had felt, when Chakotay had shown up at the brig, and told him that she'd hurt herself again.

He felt her stiffen in his arms, and then felt her begin to shake, her tears falling faster now. He felt his own tears join her's, soaking her hair, where his own head was buried. 'I'm sorry', she murmured softly, 'I couldn't deal with it, I was so lonely. The thoughts just wouldn't stop running through my head', she petered off, unable to voice her thoughts any longer, afraid of what was going to happen when he was forced to leave her again.

It wasn't fair, on him or her, for him to be locked away for a whole month, after already losing his rank. She had suffered so much while he was...away...no, gone, she couldn't imagine how badly he had felt about it all. 'You promised me that you wouldn't leave', she murmured, fully aware that it wasn't fair of her to say, she knew full well why he did it, even supported and encouraged him to do it, but was seemingly unable to stop herself from saying the hurtful words anyway.

This time, it was her that felt him stiffen, unable, or unwilling, not to take the blame. 'I know, and I'm sorry, I can't imagine how hard it's been for you the past 15 days', he said, pulling her back softly, so that he could look her in the eyes while he said it. He watched the emotions play across her face, and the colors in her eyes change as he assessed her, trying to ascertain her mental state in that moment in time.

He must have seen something, because he smiled softly at her, reaching out a hand to gently cup her cheek. She closed her eyes, leaning into his hand, happy for the comfort that it brought her in that instant, and smiled back at him.

'Ensign', came Tuvok's voice in the background, causing them both to jump, a sense of dread suddenly hanging in the air, and B'Elanna bristled at the word 'ensign', angry all over again, 'Your visiting time is almost up, I must ask you to accompany me back to the brig'.

B'Elanna tightened her grip, in a very possessive, almost desperate way, and let out a feral, very Klingon growl. Like hell they were taking him away from her again! She would kiss a targ before that happened!

'Lieutenant', The Captain said in a low, warning tone of voice. Her only answer was an far lower, even more feral growl. It was a warning on far more then one level, a Klingon defending her mate. This had to be handled rather delicately, the last thing that they needed this morning, was another emergency in sickbay. It was bad enough when they had to deal with her temper when she was in her right frame of mind, but in the state she was in right now...well, let's just say that it could turn very dangerous, quite quickly.

'B'Elanna', Kathryn said, significantly softening her tone, hoping that would lower her guard a bit. It seemed to work, because she lifted her head, and caught Janeway's gaze for a moment, trying to gauge the situation. Now that she had her attention, Kathryn turned her attention to the matter at hand, 'I'm relieving you of duty until further notice, on medical grounds, and am also taking away your holideck privileges again, until you can be trusted not to harm yourself', that was all said in the soft tone she'd adopted, but it didn't lessen the sting of the words she said.

The hybrids eyes narrowed, and everyone sensed a fight coming, Tom tried to catch her eyes again, his fingers softly starting to caress the ridges on her forehead. Her reaction was sudden and swift, she let out a 1/2 growl, 1/2 moan, and lunged forward, biting him viciously on the cheek, sinking deep, and drawing blood. He let out a yelp, but didn't back off, instead pulling her closer, and biting her back softly on her cheek. Oddly, this seemed to calm her down, and she sagged against him, burying her head back in his tummy, but refusing to loosen the death grip she had on him. He let out a relieved sigh, sensing that the danger had passed.

He smiled, feeling the urge to chuckle, but suppressed it. He could just imagine the heated glare that she would have turned on him, for pulling that stunt, had she been looking at him in that moment. As it was, he could feel her stilted breath on his t-shirt, she was breathing erratically, as if she'd just run a long distance marathon.

He threw a mouthed 'thank you' over her head to The Captain, who nodded her acknowledgment, watching the two silently. She was analyzing the situation, uncertain for the moment, how to proceed. She sensed that B'Elanna needed a lot of supervision over the next 15 days or so, and she couldn't spare someone to watch over her, nor could she throw her in the brig, as Klingon's suffered terribly from incarceration syndrome, and she didn't feel comfortable confining her to sickbay, or her quarters.

Nodding as she finally came to a decision, she turned to Tuvok, who nodded in understanding, they had known each other long enough to communicate without words by this point in their relationship. 'Computer, make a note in the log, that I'm relieving Lieutenant Torres of her post, and that her holodeck privileges have been revoked until further notice', she stopped to catch her breath, 'further more, I'm officially changing ensign Tom Eugene Paris's sentence from the brig, to being confined to quarters'.

Everyone saw Be'lanna visibly relax at that news.

'I'm also confining B'Elanna to quarters, but since I don't feel comfortable leaving her unattended, she will be staying in your quarters Tom, and since she's staying with you, I'm not going to restrict your rations', Janeway stated, giving them both a soft smile. 'Thank you Captain ', Tom said softly, sounding far more relaxed and relieved then he did an hour ago. Kathryn gave them one last piercing, somewhat worried glace, then she and Tuvok left to give them some privacy, they would be back in an hour or so to escort them to Tom's quarters.

For the next hour, they just held each other, Tom out of relief, and B'Elanna out of need. This was the calmest that she had felt in 15 days, and she wasn't ready to let go yet, lest this was just a dream. She hadn't relised how important he was to her, and how much she needed him in her life, until he wasn't there...knowing that he was safe and on the ship, hadn't made any difference. She'd almost lost him to death, losing him for the last 15 days, had seemed to cruel on top of everything, and her mind hadn't been able to cope with it all.

Her emotions had gone from fear, to overwhelming relief, to anger, and finally to loneliness, which had led to pain and despair. The thoughts, and feelings of grief had overloaded her senses, until she'd returned to the holideck, unable to think of any other way of coping, then the destructive path that had led her to her current predicament.

She had been terrified in the beginning, when the captain had given the order to fire that torpedo, she thought that she had lost Tom forever, then she had learned he was alive, and felt overwhelming joy and relief. Then Janeway had not only taken his rank, but had taken him away from her, and she'd been filled with Klingon rage, to angry at the women to think straight. She felt this was an injustice to her mate, and had she not been distracted by her own mental state, she would have challenged the captain to a duel with the Bath'leth. How she would have relished bathing in the blood of that women in that moment, the one that dared to keep her from her mate! 'Well, no one said that Klingon's were the friendliest of folk', she thought wryly to herself, 'nor were they the most patient'.

As the days past, the ache of his absence began to manifest as a tangible, almost real pain. It began to sit on her chest almost like a thick blanket, clouding her mind and heart. She began to miss not only Tom, but grieved for her friends that had been slaughtered like cattle in a field full of wolves. She found herself once again just going through the motions, her heart and mind no longer registering the tasks, her body no longer feeling her hunger. Everything had just become...empty again, and that frightened her. She didn't know how to throw it off, and she felt to disconnected to reach out to her friends on the ship.

The Cardassians had received far more powerful weapons and ships from a group of allies in the Gamma Quadrant, and had rained down on The Maquis, like the blitz of London in WW2.

Almost none survived the onslaught, with the few lucky ones ending up in prison, (hast how they had gotten the news of the massacre), her friends...her family, all gone, just like Tom was now. She knew in some deep, more rational part of her mind that he wasn't really gone, that he was safe and sound in the brig of The USS Voyager, but in her more emotional, fogged up mind, not being able to see or touch him, seemed just as difficult as if he were dead.

The Maquis were a group of people that had bannded together to protect their home worlds. They had been caught in the middle of The Federation/Cardassian war, and had been forced to defend themselves, when The Cardassians had invaded the neutral zone. Their plea for help to The Federation had been turned down, as The Federation refused to 'break the treaty ' that they had made with The Cardassians, even though The Cardassians had already broken it, by invading the neutral zone.

To defend their homes, freedom, friends, and families, a group that included Be'lanna and Chakotay had entered into gorilla warfare against The Cardassians. In return, they had been branded terrorists, rebels...outlaws was the word most commonly used, by both Starfleet, and The Cardassians, and people were ordered to shoot/kill them on sight. Now it seemed, they had lost everything, including the war...and their lives.

B'Elanna sighed, and buried herself further into Tom's warmth, wanting nothing more in that moment then to be held, and have the memories swept away by it. He tightened his grip, having felt her muscles tensing, felt the new wave of tears soaking his shirt, giving her as much comfort in those few moments that he could, just glad that he was there to do so.


End file.
